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I did NOT come to medical school for this. I didn’t come here to sit at a desk for hour upon hours studying, and then studying some more. It’s exhausting and unmotivating and boring. My anxiety hit a peak today and I wanted to hulk smash something anything bc I’m am crazy irritable when I’m anxious. And it’s frustrating that knowing no matter what, I have to go back to studying. This isn’t why I’m here. BUT, unfortunately, a part of doing what I WANT to do, involves me doing things that I don’t want to do. That’s the definition of adulting right there. I was annoyed that I had to go to school today, but then I actually got to see a patient and use the knowledge that I’ve worked so hard to mash into my brain for the last year and a half. And I did well. I came up with a good differential with my four year and was able to come up with a (pretend) plan with him on how to manage the patient (don’t worry, they saw someone more qualified too 😂). It made me feel good and calm. I don’t want to be here at my desk right now, but I have to be. Because one day I WILL be that patients provider. And I have to know all of this stuff to be able to help them. It’s IMPOSSIBLE to be motivated and like what you’re doing every single moment. But you do it anyways bc it’s the stepping stone to become a doctor. Seeing real patients always reminds me of that, and I feel much less distanced from my passion. It reminds me that I really need to shadow every once in awhile until I start third year to keep me going. And to have anxiety cupcakes every once in awhile bc it’s good for the soul 😂🧁. So this is your reminder to keep going and doing what you’re doing to get to where you want to be, and that it’s okay to not love the whole process to getting there. Xoxo